Teenies. Hanson. Backstreet Boys. N'Sync. They loom like gargoyles, springing the eternal question: Which came first, the teenie or the teenie band?

And what is a teenie?

Let us examine these monsters one at a time. First, I will open the closet on the most fearsome of beasts...The teenie band.

You know, I dig some of Hansons songs, and I don't hate them. I think they're having a lot of fun, and they don't pretend to be anything they're not. (Which is why I have issues with Manson) And if the little girls are finding themselves and freaking over Hanson...well good! I mean, at the very least it's keeping the TBs busy with a band that's on their level. A 10 year old can't necessarily understand every nuance of a song or lyric from Raine like maybe we can.

And really, what harm is Hanson doing? The other day I saw an N'Sync Christmas song/video (which is rare because I'm getting so jaded in my hatred for the media I almost never ever watch TV) and I was taking in the electronica and engineered singing well. ..And even though I was feeling the bile sloshing around in my gullet, it occurred to me that they were actually morally strong. Media friendly. Sang about the same thing, sure, and even though none of the teenie bands are challenging authority or exposing hypocrisy in our society, they are still providing a service. Entertainment. And as long as they're not inciting the young and impressionable into rioting, murder, drugs, etc., who are they hurting?

So be happy Hanson, BSB, and N'Sync are around...they're occupying the short attention span of the youngsters and clingy fans who want something to freak over. While we cast these stones in our glass houses, let me point out that we're all TBs, too. We just translated that hyper OMG! OMG! into a pretty substantial respect for music and the magicians who make it.

Teenies are nothing more a label for inexperience and enthusiasm. We take for granted these feelings of belonging and inspiration that we get from music. I find it funny to see that the first time kids see Santa Claus they actually cry. New things get your adrenaline pumping, and when you're leaping into the high state of emotional being, there is a very, VERY thin line between fear and joy. Intensity throws us out of whack. So for the model teenie, the excitement in the community of music lovers and the camaraderie in following a band is forcing them to operate on that higher level, where the barriers between accepted and over-the-top become filmy gray areas.

Fortunately for us, this is a phase that everyone has gone through. In this world, the first time for anything is an adjustment from our existence of status quo. I was a serious freak over the NKOTB...and I hope at age 23 I've acquired a certain patience and wisdom with music, having immersed myself in it and understood the beast better. I learned that instead of spiking my adrenaline levels at the mention of a band, I can form a stronger bond with a lot of things in my life by looking, studying, picking apart, truly putting music in its proper perspective. It's something that comes with age, experience, and I'm nowhere near done yet.

The teenies will learn. They're just getting out in the world, and naturally the things that evoke such emotional responses in them are what they like the most. Did you ever eat so much candy that you threw up? Or felt sick? Or refused to eat any more for months because of the overload? Teenies are a lot like that in this respect. They will get tired of being so hyper. (Please, for the love of God...) I know I finally did.

I see a lot of people who are barely out of the teenie stage themselves and start slagging the shit out of other youngsters. Why are you so quick to judge? Do you forget the time when you were that young and impressionable? And yet teenagers complain that their parents assume way too much about what's important to their kids and are out of touch. Try not to become your parents so fast...the world gets lonely. Remember where you came from, remember everyone has their own rites of passage. The teenies are doing their thing and mapping out their world on their own, let them do it.

It's ugly to see someone in the midst of super-glueing themselves to OLP and turning around to say "I can't stand Hanson! They should be killed!" Hanson did nothing but provide a reasonably good role model for kids to identify with. You made it past that level, congratulations. But don't deprive others of the same life lessons. We all have to crawl before we walk. Toddlers are the clumsiest of human beings out there...like Mike says:

"People immediately assume something goes wrong there's this 'oh somebody meant to screw me up and they're being destructive just cause they're a jerk'. Well, maybe they're just clumsy... and its something forgivable... and if you can take that lyric of compassion and consideration on things instead of immediately jumping to the negatives, I think things would be a lot better."

I think we should be a little less harsh on teenie boppers and understand that they're not trying to be idiots (although some of them make a good case). But they're learning about the power of music and experiencing that feeling you get when a line or a riff or a beat can resonate in your soul. Move you on a different plane of existence. It's bound to make them clumsy. We all overreacted at one point...just try to understand that they're little fillies gawking around on their new legs.

The real challenge for me is trying to remember that when a young girl is jostling me at a show screeching for Raine to strip tease, and panting how she's going to marry him, when all that's running through my mind is the force with which the music, live, is hitting me, and how this song pulled me through a dark age, and where this new song is going to take me. And the teenie screams on.

Sometimes, when I backhand them, I feel a lot better. But they're surprisingly resilient, so maybe this understanding crap will work. I'm just trying to pass on some knowledge. The backhanding is just a temporary relief. Which is really too bad.
 
 

 
 
 
 

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